Wish you knew how to be more confident?
Most of us do.
Since we’re not born with confidence nor taught how to get it, more people ask this question—how can I be more confident?—than you think.
And, when it comes to confidence, there’s a huge difference between someone looking confident and feeling confident.
When you see someone who looks confident, remember you have no idea what’s going on in their inner world—what they’re thinking or feeling. Which means you don’t know if they simply look confident or actually feel confident.
For all you know, they’re extremely nervous but can hold it together because they’ve worked hard to manage their feelings. Plus practised what they’re doing more times than they’d like to admit!
So, please don’t overestimate others and underestimate yourself when it comes to confidence.
How Can I Be More Confident
Confidence is a Skill
It’s understandable to think you’re either a confident person or you’re not. This belief couldn’t be further from the truth though.
Confidence is a skill, and as is the case with all skills, you can develop and improve your confidence through practice.
For most people you admire and consider confident, it’s all learnt.
Put another way, their confidence is a skill they’ve built and developed over time. They’ve taken small steps and many nerve-racking actions that have added up over time to increase their confidence.
And, ‘time’ is the point we need to remember here.
In other words, think about the people you admire—most of them are probably a good few years older than you. Yes? So, when you look at them, remember you’re seeing someone who has had more time than you to build their confidence.
They’ve taken one action to improve their confidence, then another and another and another. And, over time, their confidence has grown. So, what you’re seeing now, is the total sum of everything they’ve done to build their confidence.
Confidence is a Feeling Created By Your Beliefs
A belief is a thought your mind has repeated enough times that you now believe it’s true.
So, if you change your beliefs (which you can!), you change how confident you feel.
One way you to do this is by changing your behaviours. Which changes how you feel, then what you think, then what you believe—if a new behaviour is repeated enough. Like this:
New Behaviour -> Feeling -> Thought -> New Belief
E.g. You speak up in a meeting even though you’re nervous -> You feel happy with yourself -> You think I can do things confident people do -> You start seeing yourself as a confident person.
This new behaviour works miracles after a while because it starts to reinforce itself the other way around. Like this:
New Belief -> Thought -> Feeling -> New Behaviour
E.g. After repeating your new behaviour, you start believing you’re a more confident person -> You think I can do things even if I’m nervous -> This generates feelings of confidence -> You then look for new more challenging behaviours to try.
7 Tips to Be More Confident
Low confidence stops us from saying, doing and being who we want. And ultimately, it prevents us from being the best version of ourselves and truly enjoying life.
It doesn’t have to be this way though—if you implement the tips below regularly, you can learn to become more confident.
- Stop comparing yourself negatively to others. Unfollow anyone you compare yourself to in a way that makes you feel bad about yourself. (Aim to follow people who inspire you and make you want to be a better version of yourself—not a different person altogether). Instead, write down five things you like about yourself and say them aloud every day for a month.
- Tell yourself you’re a confident person. Our brains believe what we tell them. The more you repeat positive words to yourself, the more you rewire your brain (yes, literally 🤯) to believe them. For bonus points, stand in front of a mirror when you do this, make eye contact with yourself and repeat your new belief three times.
- Go for a meal, coffee or to an event on your own. Or even have a night away. This will do wonders for you.
- Push yourself outside your comfort zone once a day. Smile, make eye contact and say hello to a stranger. Start a conversation with the person in front of you in a queue. Ask a question or share your opinion in a meeting. Introduce yourself to someone you don’t know at a party or event. Call or message someone you’ve met, don’t know well but would like to know better.
- Resist the urge to use your phone in ‘awkward’ social situations. For example, when you’re waiting in a queue. Or, when you’re somewhere new and you don’t know anyone.
- Go make-up-free once a week. This reminds us that our looks don’t define who we are, or how people relate to us—or affect anything about how our day unfolds. Related, is wearing something different to what you usually would.
- Sing to yourself when you’re walking along the street! You might get a few funny looks, but ultimately you’ll realise nothing bad happens. And better still, you’ll probably make yourself laugh and someone else too!
Bonus Tip!
Learn something new every day. Immerse yourself in books, blogs and podcasts that help you better understand yourself and the world.
As you increase what you know and understand about yourself, others, and the world, you’ll develop more and more confidence.
To Be More Confident You Need to Take Action
When you’re taking action on the tips above, you’ll feel uncomfortable and scared—your heart will probably beat out of your chest. This is totally normal!
It happens to all of us when we’re trying something new and outside our comfort zone. But once you’ve done the scary thing, you’ll be so pleased you did.
So, challenge yourself daily to do something that makes you nervous, and enjoy the boost of confidence it gives you.
Now, it’s over to you.
What are you going to do today to start building your confidence? Why not choose one tip and try it for a couple of weeks?
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